


Dance With Me

by Roserosierosy



Series: Dance With Me series [1]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arguing, Enemies to Lovers, Flirting, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mentions of Death, Slight panic attack in the beginning, fluff at some point, hongjoong and Jongho just along for the ride, lil kiss kiss, misplaced feelings, park seonghwa is gorgeous, profession ice skaters, san is so fucking stubborn and dumb, seonghwa and hongjoong are dating, the beginning is rough but it gets better I promise, wooyoung is the definition of grace, yeosang and wooyoung are best friends, yunho is whipped; mingi clueless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29035062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roserosierosy/pseuds/Roserosierosy
Summary: choi san is a professional and prodigy ice skater who has worked his way up the ladder with ease. the first real heartbreaking loss he experiences is when an unknown skater takes his expected win at nationals right out from under him. the next time he steps onto the skating rink, his coach tells him he needs to start preparing for partner routines, and his partner happens to be none other than the one who stole his victory.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Series: Dance With Me series [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2142252
Comments: 14
Kudos: 105





	1. finding yourself

**Author's Note:**

> clearly enemy to lovers is just what I need to do. y'all know the drill, lowercase intended <3\. 
> 
> also the beginning is super rough but I promise it gets better.

"hyung..."

the crack of his voice was followed by an attempt to hold in a sob that was burning the back of his throat. the more he tried his best to keep himself from completely breaking down, the more he felt like he was falling into an endless pit that was suffocating him. his eyes burned as the tears started to fall and his anger that he was crying and losing himself over something like this was just so frustrating and so pathetic, and damn, now his chest was on fire and his head pounding. 

"san."

he called his name so clearly but san's ears were ringing and his head was spinning and oh no, was he going to get sick? san didn't even look up and acknowledge the other who had just shut the door, the screaming from the arena being cut in half and it did absolutely nothing to settle san's conscience. his nails were cutting into the skin on his thighs and his fingers were white with the amount of pressure he was using. when he felt a warm hand on his back he flinched away so hard and another fit of shaking took over his body as he tried his best to control this downward spiral of whatever the hell was happening to him.

"you need to breathe san," seonghwa whispered to him, he put his hand back on san's back and rubbed in up and down motions slowly. he felt the younger's body shaking under him, all his muscles were so tense and seonghwa could see how red his face was even in the dimly lit room.

"can't fucking breathe," san choked back, his nose was so clogged that he couldn't even breathe if he wanted to and he knew if he opened his mouth the only thing that would come out were his pathetic sobs. 

seonghwa went down on his knees in front of san, pushing this legs open so he could fit between them and wrapped his arms around san and let him push his face into neck. his scent was mellow and soft and his skin was warm, and his hands were so delicately rubbing his back that it allowed san to calm down just enough that he could breathe better. seonghwa held him for so long, letting his heartbeat lead san's to a more normal rate and let the younger man copy his breathing until his tears just fell without him trying to hold them back. san knew that hongjoong was just standing in front of the door watching the whole scene play out. how embarrassing. 

what was even worse was it wasn't just hongjoong who witnessed this, it was the whole entire arena and whoever was watching him on television. seonghwa literally had to shove the reporters out of the room that had followed san who feld the scene, hongjoong also doing his best to give the skater his space. "how inconsiderate can y'all get? give him some fucking space!" he had screamed at them while his boyfriend, god bless the saint of a man, apologized before shutting the door in their faces and locking it. 

while seonghwa kept running his fingers through san's hair, his face still buried deep in his neck, he knew that he had gotten snot all over his shirt. hongjoong grabbed a water bottle from the mini fridge and came over to them and sat down so carefully before pressing it against the back of san's neck.

"there you go, shhh," seonghwa whispered softly. he eyed hongjoong and grabbed the water bottle from his hand to keep it in the same spot and tilted his head towards the door. hongjoong blinked at him as a silent plea but seonghwa shook his head, and well that was the end of that conversation as hongjoong got up and left the room. both men could hear him cussing out people that probably were still lingering outside the door. 

seonghwa wasn't going to move before san was ready. he knew the cold that the water bottle provided him was helping him to settle more quickly than anything else had so far. he was still petting his head gently and twirling his hair around his finger. he found himself picking at the jewels that covered san's skating costume, which he knew from plenty of experience that costume costed way too much just for a few uses and then needing to buy another one for the next competition. 

"san," he said in that annoyingly, silky smooth voice of his that would've had san swooning if it was any other circumstance. he just shook his head before pulling away from the older man, sitting up straight finally, wiping at his nose and swollen eyes.

he was afraid to look at seonghwa's shirt, but he does anyways to see the damage he left. the man's dark, blue button down shirt was drenched and yes he definitely got snot all over him which made him cringed. he made a move to get up to get something to clean him off and apologize profusely, but seonghwa pushed him right back down on the small sofa before he got up himself to find some tissues.

"i'm sorry.." he croaked, his voice was so scratchy and his throat hurt for whatever reason and that overly frustrating feeling came back and once again he felt that lump of a sob move back into his throat. 

"out of your head san. you have nothing to be sorry for. just keep breathing," seonghwa's voice was interrupting his thoughts again gently. san's vision was blurry with tears as he looked up at the other and could just make out seonghwa wiping off his shirt and if he missed his grimace and scowl as he did, that probably was for the best. 

san just nodded his head again, grabbing the forgotten water bottle and leaned back, keeping the bottle between his neck and the sofa. at some point seonghwa came back to him, gently wiping over his face with a damp cloth to clean away the tears, sweat and snot that had made a home on his face. he clearly was eternally indebted to seonghwa, the man putting up with all his bullshit and breakdowns since he could remember, the man was too kind to him. 

"now that you've calmed down, let's talk. are you okay with that? or should we just leave now?" 

"no its okay, we can talk," he answered, voice much stronger than a few moments ago.

"what happened tonight was not your fault san. no one's fault," seonghwa started, kneeling back on the floor and starting to unlace san's skates that the other hadn't managed to take off yet.

"but i, i lost..."

"you've lost before." and that fact hit him in the gut, doing absolutely nothing to make the situation better. "lot's of times."

"but this time i tried my best, this was one of the times that i really tried my absolute best-- i gave it my all..." when his voice cracked again, seonghwa thankfully didn't comment on it, still slowly unlacing his skates.

"I know you did, it was absolutely gorgeous to watch san, so graceful," and that was a hefty comment coming from seonghwa. the older man being on the of the best ice skaters in the world and san just prayed he wasn't just saying that because of the situation.

"I didn't even fall-- i landed my jumps and i even really got into the music-- i didn't just go through the motions and coach even told me that was the best he'd seen-- I was favored to win--" and seonghwa just pressed his finger to san's lips to shut him up.

"san, just because you're favored to win doesn't mean you will. this was nationals, the best skaters in the nation were here tonight and you came in second, that is no small victory."

"i've never even heard of him-- i knew all the competitors that would be challenging me and i worked my routine around theirs to have enough points--" there was so much he wanted to say, but nothing was coming out the way he wanted to and now he was making a fool out of himself for acting like this. 

but luckily seonghwa was there, he knew exactly how he was feeling and he knew exactly what he was trying to say. "you've never lost like this I know. san when you always try your best you knock all other competitors out of the park. what more can I expect from my little prodigy skater? but also, i know you've been on a winning streak and i know how hard it is to swallow a loss after you've been doing so so well."

he pulled both skates off, making sure the blade guards were still fastened against the blades and set them to the side, gently massaging san's ankles in his hands. he knew they were sore, having practiced so much for this routine and after many, many falls to the ice, his ankles definitely weren't happy.

"you're probably more embarrassed than anything, no one knew who that skater was, not even me. having a win stolen right out from under you like that will put you in your place. but san, he did win fair and square, and i'm not telling you that you can't be upset about it, we all know how i was after that one specific loss i had."

and yes, san will always remember that day when seonghwa was skating at the olympics a few years ago. it was his first time skating at that level and performing in front of so many people, his nerves had gotten the best of him. that really was the only time he had seen seonghwa lose control of himself. the older man was as graceful and as mature as it got, he never let his emotions get control of him which is why he thinks him and hongjoong have been together for as long as they have been. but that day was hard to watch, he had never seen anything quite like it before, he wasn't sure if seonghwa had even landed one jump. and after the whole thing was over, he had never seen seonghwa break down the way he had. it scared him if he was honest.

"but i want you to learn from my mistake and learn to be a good sport san." his words stung and that urge to punch something grew even stronger. "you'll come back from this. its not the end of the world. the skating community loves you."

"I don't want to."

"what do you mean you don't want to?" 

"I don't want to skate anymore."

seonghwa stopped his movements and stared up at san who was no longer looking at him. the pure and utter shame and embarrassment made him want to run far away from everyone, he never wanted to see another soul again. he needed a way of escaping the room without the reporters finding him to ask questions, there was no way he'd be able to keep his cool. and yes, he was very well aware of the pressing anger issues he had, he just couldn't bear to make more of a fool out of himself.

"you're not serious are you?" 

"i am. how am i supposed to live with myself after that?"

"you're being overly dramatic. your emotions are shot right now, don't make any harsh decisions," seonghwa warned him.

"seonghwa, please do not lecture me about this right now. I can not stand the thought of having to go out there and face the people that I so, so confidently told that I was going to win. and god help me if he tries to talk to me, I would lose it."

seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows and stood up, crossing his arms over his chest like he always did when he was going to give san a hard life lesson when he made bad decisions. 

"the man did nothing wrong. if anything you should congratulate him."

san's head shot up with the rest of his body, finally standing on his own feet. "no way in hell am i doing that. i know he beat me fair and square but you're asking too much of me right now."

he felt resentment towards the other man, he knew he had no right to hate him, but that seemed to make it even worse. who was this man that just made him look like an absolute fool of himself in front of everyone? how dare he? san nearly snarled as he gathered his stuff up roughly and threw them into his bag. 

"where are you going?" seonghwa snapped at him.

"home. im done here." 

and with that he tore the door open, wiping at his eyes again as they spilled over with overwhelmed tears. hongjoong was leaning against the wall and perked up at the sudden presence of the younger, but he got no chance to say anything when san threw over the hood of his hoodie and stormed down the hallway ignoring everyone that tried to get his attention.

"san!" he tried to call after him but to no avail. 

"don't even try, he's too far into his own damn head to even listen to anything I was trying to tell him." hongjoong could tell how frustrated seonghwa was. his forehead was wrinkled and his nose was scrunched up in that way he absolutely adored. 

"I'll never understand why he gets like that, he didn't even perform bad at all," hongjoong sighed and grabbed seonghwa's hand gently, giving it a soft squeeze.

"unfortunately he's been trained with the mindset that only rewards oneself if they come out on top completely; all else is a fail. san is an amazing skater but I wish they never made such a big deal about how he is a prodigy for the soul reason that it got to his head. they made him into an icon and left no room for the human side of him. he can't accept the fact that losing is okay," seonghwa looked down at their joined hands and pulled them up to press a kiss to the back of hongjoong's hand. "but I understand why he is so upset today. when a nobody comes in and steals your spot from you... I can't explain it hongjoong but it just ..." 

hongjoong can't help but smile a little as seonghwa struggled to find his words. "it just hurts in a new way."

"I'm not a skater... so I can't personally relate, but I know what you mean."

seonghwa sighed again, pressing his lips into a fine line. "he said he was done skating, and I don't know whether he plans to actually go through with it or not but, I am worried. you know how he is, so damn emotional and can't think for himself when he gets like that."

"skating is his life seonghwa. he'll come back. he's just hurting right now."

~~~

true to his word, san did quit. he had marched into his hometown skating rink, the one where he had spent way too many wasted hours practicing, and marched right past hongjoong at the front desk and down to where his coach was waiting for him.

"i quit. sorry for the late notice and the trouble I've put you through." and with that he had spun on his heel and left the arena with a false sense of relief. he could hear his coach yelling to him, but he just put in his airpods and continued out into the lobby. he saw hongjoong reach for his phone, probably to call seonghwa in an utter panic as he just witnessed what san said. sure enough, it wasn't five minutes later when he felt his phone buzz continuously and then multiple text messages piled in when he ignored his calls.

"answer my calls." the texts were saying. "choi san if you leave me on read one more time i will skin you."

when he stepped into his car and turned on the engine, he shot a text back, "its done. don't try and change my mind, it won't work."

"you're making a mistake," came the immediate message. he knew seonghwa meant well, he always did. san would always be grateful that he personally got to know seonghwa, the fanboy skater inside him would definitely never forgive himself for treating the older this way, especially after everything he's done for him. he would apologize later, maybe take him out for drinks at some point... but not right now. he just needed to get away. 

san spent countless hours trying to pick up something else to do with his time. he tried picking up skateboarding, but it was underwhelming as he kept falling off and got frustrated when he would attempt tricks and they did not go how he planned. he even tried rollerblading but the rubber wheels never let him turn as sharp as he wanted and all it would remind him of was skating. he decided that maybe sports were just a no go for him, especially after he tried to pick up some rugby with his old university friends, and one particularly harsh tackle to the ground left him with the wind knocked out of him and the other team laughing when he struggled to get up.

"should've stuck to ice skating, pretty boy," they had mocked him. "can't handle the real sports."

he tried painting to pass the time, but as a man who was used to instant gratification, painting took way too long and it never turned out how he wanted it to. he often found himself going for a drive that always ending up in the parking lot of the arena. it had become more popular lately, it became more widely known that this was where seonghwa and san had practiced, along with a few other skaters who were making a name for themselves. the parking lot was always full when he arrived and empty when he decided to leave. quite a few times he would see seonghwa and his coach leave with hongjoong very late into the night. he would watch them hold hands as they walked to their car. they recently moved in together and they had been acting like a newly wed couple ever since. stolen kisses here and there, and once upon a time san had been extremely jealous of hongjoong as he had a crush on seonghwa for the longest time. but as they grew older he learned to love seonghwa as and older friend and teacher, someone he really looked up to and admired. and sure enough hongjoong became someone he also really respected. 

he missed them. 

he also missed mingi and jongho. as much as they were annoying, they were some of his best friends. he only saw them at the rink, they originally were friends with just seonghwa and hongjoong when he first met them. they weren't skaters themselves but they were super supportive as friends and went to as many competitions as they could. seonghwa tried to teach them to skate but mingi was a different breed and had no sense of balance and lets just say jongho was too aggressive with the walls for his own good. they became friends with san a little later on down the road, seonghwa would always stay back later to help san with his jumps and timing and thanks to mingi's extrovert self and jongho's straight forwardness, they hit it off right away.

what was unsettling was san had realized he had no friends outside of the rink. he whole entire life had been centered around skating that he never had anytime to meet anyone else. it was now that he really started to understand what seonghwa was trying telling him when he younger and quickly rising to fame. 

"i wish someone would've told me how lonely it was, i wish someone had warned me what i was getting into," he had said as he came to an abrupt stop on the ice where san was leaning against the wall. it had been before he met hongjoong, and san would be lying if he didn't feel hurt by his words about him being so lonely when san was right there. "they don't tell you that once you become a favorite, that all the popularity and the interviews, the screaming fans... doesn't fill the void. a normal life becomes untouchable."

san had no idea what he really meant, he didn't even really understand how that could be. but he was young and thought at that time that fame filled all voids. but he got it now. he had no one besides those friendships he made at the rink. as far as he was concerned, he didn't even know how to make friends, the others just kinda took him under their wing like he had no choice but to accept it. and he knew from many failed attempts that making true friendships, the ones that don't revolve around his fame or success... seemed impossible. 

so when he pulled up to the rink again, after hours when skating time was communal, he felt an urge so strong that he couldn't ignore it anymore. it had nearly been ten months since he had stepped inside. the warmer air greeting him as he passed by the front desk where hongjoong was busy putting away the borrowed skates people had returned. his hair was now dyed blue, and it really did suit him. they made eye contact for a split second and it made san feel so out of place, like he wasn't welcome, like he was a stranger to this place. but a soft smile had greeted him, a wash of relief on his face as he pointed towards the open door at the bottom of the stairs that lead to the main rink. there was music coming from there and san immediately followed it. 

in the rink it was dark, except for the lights that covered the ice. it was empty as he suspected except for seonghwa who was performing a new routine he hadn't seen before. he found his hands latched onto the barrier and leaning over it as he tried to get a better look. he watched the older man effortlessly twirl around and pull his leg up next to his head and glide across the ice like he was flying. san could watch seonghwa skate all day, the man was so graceful and gorgeous that in his personal opinion, he was the best. the music fit the skating routine perfectly, the crescendo of notes hitting right as seonghwa would land a ridiculously difficult jump and then mellow out as seonghwa performed the choreography part. 

he felt his heart ache. he couldn't believe just how much he missed watching him. seonghwa could bring a full grown man to tears and he wouldn't have to even speak. the performance he was doing was incredibly emotional, his ending pose had him gripping at his shirt like he was trying to hold his heart together. and san, well he just clapped. he didn't care about trying to keep himself unseen anymore. when seonghwa finally saw him, he didn't move for awhile and when he did he was skating over to san a little too quickly for his comfort. and when he stopped so hard in front of the barrier, shredding the ice like the hockey players would do, he stared down at him with such intensity it was nerve-wracking.

"san." that was the first time he had heard him say his name in so long and he felt himself melt.

"that was beautiful hyung. when are you performing it?"

"it's a partner routine, I just haven't found a partner yet that matches my style. we're moving to more partner work now instead of solo."

"everyone is?" the way they made conversation so effortlessly after all this time was a true testament to the friendship they had. it was like they hadn't been away from each other for single day.

"yeah the whole program," seonghwa answered, he ran his hand through his hair and for a brief moment san couldn't breathe. seonghwa was beyond sweaty, probably having been practicing for the entire day. he was absolutely gorgeous and if hongjoong didn't hurry up and make him his fiancée soon, he was going to throw the whole man away. san nodded and sucked in a breath as he looked over the entire rink feeling a sense of deja vu.

"it's been awhile," seonghwa said, leaning up against the barrier.

"i've missed you a lot, everyone really."

"how have you been? keeping yourself busy?"

"oh yeah. I've been doing some things every now and then... been meeting new people..." he tried his best to lie and not seem like a complete loser but seonghwa already saw right through him.

"it's lonely isn't it?"

once again san nodded his head and brought his lip between his teeth just like he always would when he was nervous. 

"should come back. the kids are asking where you are," seonghwa said. "I just tell them you've taken a trip to the island of stupidity... but will return soon."

san furrowed his eyebrows and punched seonghwa's shoulder lightly, "the fuck? I have not."

"until you step back onto this rink again, you're on vacation at the island of stupidity."

"that's not funny."

"you walking out on us wasn't funny either."

he had a point but it hurt really bad. deep down he knew it was wrong what he did, especially to seonghwa and his coach, but he always felt so overwhelmed when he thought about coming back. 

"i'm sorry..." he said softly and perhaps that was the first time seonghwa had ever heard san apologize to him. 

"then fix it." he answered curtly. his gaze was powerful and san felt no desire to look up and meet it.

"I can't."

"why not?"

"i'm ashamed." and there was part of the harsh truth that had been pressing against his chest for the past ten months.

"you should be. but you can fix it, that will be the only way to fix how you're feeling." seonghwa was clearly out for blood today, his words were harsh and bitter, but he definitely deserved it. "it's the tough truth that you need to know and i'm telling you this because i love you."

san would be lying if he said his heart didn't skip a beat for a second. 

"but how can I show my face publicly after that... the media shammed me for months."

"suck it up and be better," seonghwa grabbed san's chin to force him to look up at the older. "come back to us."

san swallowed thickly, pulling his face out of seonghwa's grip and bit the inside of his cheek.

"i'll think about it, i need to go. see you later hyung," he said softly, bowing his head and quickly bolting for the door. the pressure was too much and the air was too thick. he just needed to be able to breathe again.

seonghwa sighed and leaned his face against the edge of the glass that stood on top of part of the barrier. it had been ten months since he had seen the younger and when san had originally quit he thought it would be for a week. that was how long his fits would usually last for, but a week became two and two became two months and two months became ... well, here they are. san never would answer his calls or texts and for a long stretch he wasn't even sure if he was alive. 

after the incident, the media had shamed san so bad for the way he had acted and didn't even show up for the award ceremony. he definitely deserved it but it also hurt to see that happen to him. he was a good kid by heart and not everyone got to know just how gentle and loving he was. practically being his second coach, seonghwa got to see just how hard san would work and got to see the sensitive side of the man while all the media would show was just his fiery performances and cold character. san became famously known as "the man born in fire" because he never went with the usual emotional performances. no, san decided he wanted fire. he didn't want gentle and elegant, he wanted sharp movements that would borderline break his neck if he moved just a hair harder. 

"hyung!" seonghwa turned and saw mingi, followed by jongho who were racing down the stands. "was that san?"

seonghwa hummed and nodded his head, skating over to the other two men who probably stopped by to pick him and hongjoong up to go to dinner afterwards. they did like to come early to watch seonghwa and san skate, but its just been the older one for a long time. "it was."

"what did he want? is he doing alright?" mingi asked, his eyes shining in delight. 

"well he's not dead. he says he's doing alright but i know he really isn't. he misses this. hongjoong and i catch him in the parking lot when we leave a bunch of times, but the coward is too scared to face his fears." 

"is he coming back?" jongho asked as he finally made his way down the stairs and settled next to mingi.

"i think he will. i can see it in his eyes, he misses this so much." seonghwa said softly.

"i will never even understand why he left in the first place. bratty behavior in my opinion. we watched him on tv and he had a stellar performance." 

"its..." seonghwa started before pausing for a moment to choose his words carefully. "its deeper than just bratty behavior. san became recognized for his fiery performances when he was really young and from a young age he was put in the spotlight and given the title prodigy. I think people have made the mistake thinking that he let the fame and popularity get to him and that's why he acted the way he did that day... but i think its because ever since he was so young he was taught that his self worth as a person was based only on how well he did. either he ended up on top or he failed all together. the spotlight completely chewed up the human part of him and forced him to be this perfect performer and that's all he knew. he was so scared to disappoint people, because from day one they praised him for how well he always does. san does not know how to function without praise and approval. and that's not being bratty or selfish, that's how he was conditioned. that day, i think he lost all sense of purpose and it was from a complete nobody that took his entirely livelihood from the palm of his hand in one show." 

mingi and jongho were silent for a minute, looking at each other and nodding their heads in at least some understanding of what seonghwa was talking about. it was hard for them, not being skaters and understanding the heavy stress and pressure their friends were put under constantly to perform perfectly all the time, to understand that feeling seonghwa was talking about. but they tried their best.

"after the show mingi and i did some research about the man who took first that day," jongho said after awhile. "there was barely anything on him expect an article that was from his hometown in the middle of no where. his name was jung wooyoung, and he is barely younger than san. the article said that he'd been skating for a little while but never being good enough to really get anywhere with it until just out of the middle of no where, he got insanely good and started to make a name for himself afterwards. the new favorite apparently."

mingi shook his head in agreement, "i've never seen anything like it before. reminds me a lot of you, seonghwa." 

seonghwa pressed his lips together and rubbed the bridge of his nose between his fingers, "i probably watched the kid's performance a hundred times that night. you're right... he deserved that win, not matter how hard that is for me to admit."

at that there was a loud beeping noise as all the lights in the arena turned on and the sound of an engine also turning on. all three men turned to see the familiar sound of the zamboni rolling over the ice at the far side of the rink. that was seonghwa's call to pack up for the night. hongjoong was probably done cleaning all the skates by now and would meet him down soon anyways. seonghwa threw his leg over the barrier and somehow gracefully managed to maneuver his body to the other side, grabbing his guards and putting them over the blades of the skates. 

when the zamboni driver, yunho, came closer seonghwa yelled out to him. "yunho! sorry about all the shredded ice! I'll pay you back for the trouble!"

"no worries hyung! it's my job!" he waved over at the small group. "hey mingi."

and with that yunho gave a small wink, at least that's what mingi thought he saw. both jongho and seonghwa turned to mingi with evil smiles and questioning looks. mingi just swallowed thickly and scratched the back of neck. 

"um hey.." he had said so softly and there was no way yunho would have even been able to hear it as he was already at the other side of the rink.

"damn that's just sad man..." jongho teased him, shoving mingi who was still in lala land. 

"give the man a break, he still doesn't know he's secretly gay for yunho. it'll hit him soon and once it does..." seonghwa laughed and grabbed onto mingi's arm to help pull him away from the glass. he was sure that if he didn't, he would stare at yunho all day and not even realize it. 

~~

exactly four days later, san threw his bag onto the front desk where hongjoong was dozing off and nearly scared the man half to death.

"just an hour." he said quickly. hongjoong quickly nodded his head and suppressed the urge to tell him that he technically didn't have to pay to skate there, but he didn't want to scare the younger off. he handed san the receipt which he grabbed and stuffed into his pocket. it was a light day today, the parking lot wasn't very full. it helped that it was a thursday morning and most people were probably at work.

"is seonghwa here?" he asked before slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"just me today. i nearly had to tie him to the bed today because he caught a cold from practicing in that ice box for too long."

and if san felt a pang of guilt, he didn't show it as he nodded his head and turned to walk down the stairs. he used to be seonghwa's clock. the older man had no sense of time and also had no sense of what was too much and would work himself into sickness or injury and san would usually force him to go home after awhile. he definitely missed taking care of the older and he made a mental note to stop by hongjoong's apartment to check in on him and apologize for everything he's put him through. 

the benches were freezing cold as he laced up his ice skates, the feeling not even close to foreign. everything is muscle memory at this point and for a second san forgets that he isn't here for practice. there are a few young kids trying to skate around, holding onto their parent's leg or hand to help keep their balance. the center of the rink was pretty much open, most people stay closer to the barrier and leave the inner more circles to those that like to skate a little faster. san takes the blade guards off and stuffs everything into his bag, keeping on his hoodie and black face mask before stepping out onto the ice. 

to say time stopped for a minute was very underwhelming. the itch that san had been absolutely trying his best to get rid of with filler items for the past ten months finally had been scratched. the glide was effortless and the cold breeze against his face was so soothing and the noise of his skates scrapping against the ice as he decided a random impromptu spin in the center of the arena. hands dipping down to grab onto his ankle and pull his leg up as he continued to spin around before casually dropping it and skating backwards on one foot to slow down his movements, it felt like home. this was where he needed to be. 

he heard some of the kids gasp behind him, one pulling on their dad's shirt. "daddy look! he's so good!"

"he's probably a professional, you should say hi to him," the dad answered and pushed his son towards san who was just gliding around, occasionally doing half turns and jumping from one foot to the other. when the kid finally caught up to him, he called out to san.

"excuse me mister!"

san stop abruptly and pulled the mask tighter against his face and bent down on one knee to be eye level with the boy who was trying his very best to not slip.

"you're very good at skating," san said with a big smile, though the boy couldn't see it.

"not as good as you, you must be the best skater in the world!" the boy's eyes were so bright and his smile was just so pure and sincere that it made san coo.

"nowhere close to the best," he said softly, "but i'll tell you what, if you keep skating like that, you'll be the best in the world someday."

the boy gasped and giggled, nearly slipping as he waved his arms around and turned to go back to his dad to relay the message san had told him. it felt refreshing to see the kid so utterly happy like that, big dreams in the making. that had been him when he came to the skating rink once and watched the skaters for probably a few hours. the blossoming dreams and the giant 'what ifs' that left him with a smile of what the future had to bring every night when he slept.

san stood back up and looked around the rink some more, people were still watching him with awe as he just aimlessly glided around. he truly did miss this, the freedom that skating provided him. his own personal escape that he had complete control over, nothing else gave him this rush of serotonin. he missed the way hongjoong stood in the window sending the video that he just took to seonghwa, who was still (hopefully) in bed and resting, of san who looked like he never stepped away from skating. he looked like he had been reunited with something he really loved. 

"san!"

san turned his attention over to a familiar face at the side of the barrier where people could enter or exit the rink. he skated over and knew exactly what he was going to say to the man who had taught him nearly all he knew and he owed all credit to.

"coach i--" he started but the man already beat him to it.

"I accept your apology, practice starts wednesday."

san didn't say anything for a moment before hanging his head and gently tapping the of the front of his skate's blade against the ice. 

"you sure you want me back? is that okay?"

"we knew you would come back, just your stubbornness took way longer than expected." san lowered his head even more and nodded his head. he knew he had made a giant mistake and should've listened to everyone who told him not to make any rushed decisions. 

"I really am sorry... to everyone."

"you'll have to work harder than ever to catch up, you've been out of the game for nearly too long. if you're ready to commit yourself then i will gladly stand by your side but if you're not ready to work hard and actually apply yourself..." his coach didn't finish his sentence and he really didn't need to. san knew exactly what he was implying.

"i'll give it my all. i've had time to think and i realized where i went wrong."

"then welcome back, san. it'll be an honor to work with you again," his coach had his hand stretched out and san graciously shook it firmly.

"you won't regret it. thank you for letting me come back."

"don't mention it, just don't make me regret my words," and just as his coach was about to turn to leave he added, "and just so you know, our company is working now more with partner routines instead of solo routines."

"seonghwa hyung told me something like that, has he found a partner yet?" san asked.

"i'd have to ask his coach, but i think he finally did. but the reason i'm bringing that up is because if you work for me then you'll be doing partner skating as well."

san clenched his jaw together and let out a deep sigh. he knew that he would eventually have to start doing partner work but he always refused to because of the reason that seonghwa was having such difficulty finding a partner. simply because no one matched his style and he would also be lying if he said he didn't like all the attention on him. there also might have been a fear deep down that he might accidentally hurt his partner if he failed to catch them or a freak accident, and that thought made him shiver. but he knew he had to put his pride away and learn to work with these fears and take extra precautions.

"understood. i'll see you wednesday."

his coach smiled at him and gave him a small nod. 

"and make sure you find me a good partner!" san called as his coach was walking away.

"i already have one, he's the best there is."

at the mention that is partner would be a man was not something that san was expecting. though it didn't bother him at all in that sense, it just left him a little more curious to see what his coach had already planned for him. not only that but his coach seemed to think very highly of this skater so there was a little relief knowing their skill level was pretty close and it would be easier to work a routine around that to get more points.

for the first time in a very, very long time, it was safe to say that san was actually very excited to practice once again and meet whoever his partner would be.

he felt a buzz in his pocket and reached to pull out his phone and read the message someone had sent him.

"welcome back," seonghwa had texted with his signature ";)" at the end. san just smiled as he put his phone back in his pocket to enjoy the rest of the hour.

~~~

when wednesday came, san was up early. he couldn't sleep past six thirty and decided to just roll out of bed and start stretching before he had to drive over to the rink. wednesdays were one of the very few days out of the week where that specific rink was open to only training athletes and so san would have the whole day to work there without interruptions. when he finally got there, there might have been just a little bit of a skip in his gait as he walked up to the front desk to check in with hongjoong who probably was still cranky and on his fourth cup of coffee. 

but as he got closer, he was pleased to see that seognhwa was not still tied to the bed and was talking with hongjoong. he was standing really close to the desk and leaning over it like he was whispering something to hongjoong that he didn't want anyone else to hear. san slowed down and waited until he was done speaking as he didn't want to interrupt this secret conversation and he's also pretty sure he didn't want to hear what was being said between the two lovers. he had accident walked in on a few of their hushed conversations before and it had left him leaving with his cheeks flushed and the desire to bleach his entire soul. he was a very pure man after all.

but when he saw hongjoong's face drop and pale, his mouth forming the words "really" and "oh no", it was rather unsettling and it kinda threw san off a little and felt his mood simmer down. both hongjoong and seonghwa were about as mellow as it gets and never really worried much about anything because they were too tired to most of the time. but he saw seonghwa stand up straight and shake his head. he had his back to san but he could tell that he was still talking to hongjoong because the other's frown kept getting bigger and bigger.

san decided that maybe he should intervene and started walking forward which caught hongjoong's eye and he seemed to panic just a little and looked back up at seonghwa and tilted his head aggressively in san's approaching direction. when seonghwa shut his mouth and turned around to face the younger, san noticed him suck in a breath and push his lips together.

"san, you're here early," he said like he was trying his best to pretend he wasn't just spilling whatever bad news to hongjoong. 

"i always get here early for practice... more warm up time," he answered, stopping in front of the both of them. he saw hongjoong stand up and grab his empty mug.

"they don't pay me enough for this, i'm getting more coffee." and with that he was gone and left seonghwa there who no doubt was glaring at him as he walked away. when the older man finally turned back to him he let out a deep sigh and hung his head. 

that was really weird. seonghwa never did that.

"hyung, what's going on?" san asked worried. 

"its..." seonghwa started and san could literally see the gears turning in his head as he planned his next few words so very carefully. "your partner is here already."

san perked up and for a moment he forgot that something could potentially be very wrong. "oh, have you met him? is he nice?"

"yeah i did," seonghwa looked away and then found san's gaze again."he is very nice and polite. i watched him skate for a little, he's as good as i remember."

san tilted his head in confusion. did seonghwa previously know this person? why was he acting like this? "so what's the problem? he didn't hurt himself already did he?"

"no, no... he's fine. its just..." seonghwa was fumbling over his words again and it kinda irritated san that he couldn't just tell him what was going on. hongjoong still hadn't come back which meant he was avoiding the whole situation and was probably hiding around the corner. 

san finally got fed up with the situation and turned on his heel to skip down the stairs just to see what the hell seonghwa was losing his mind over. he heard seonghwa frantically call after him but he was through the doors already and the gentle chill greeted him. he saw another man on the opposite side of the rink who was sitting on part of the barrier that didn't have glass on top of it and he was clapping. san thought for a moment that he was his partner and he raised his hand to wave at him but he was stopped half way. 

once he rounded the bleachers more and could see the entire rink, his voice was cut off in his throat. a flash of platinum blonde hair skated right by where san was standing and the man in question turned his head just a little to make eye contact as he skated by with enough speed that the wind blew san's hair a little. it was like for that split second, the entire universe moved in slow motion for what seemed like ages until the man looked away and squatted down on the ice and pushed himself up into an axel jump and landed it with what seemed like complete ease. 

had that been any other person san would've melted to the floor in absolute awe because that jump could easily be considered the hardest jump there ever was in ice skating. and now it all made sense. seonghwa's hushed worries and why he wouldn't just tell him what was wrong, and to make it even worse the man had skated to a stop and was now staring at him. 

if san thought he was angry before, he had been lying to himself. was this some sort of joke? his blood started to boil and he felt like he had just been betrayed because the man before him tilted his head down in a slight bow and had a smile on his lips that was so sincere it made his stomach twist. san took a step back and looked around, absolutely praying that someone would come out with a camera and say that this all way a joke. but no one came and he was standing there like a complete idiot. the man before him with his stupidly, blindingly blonde hair that san had seen in his nightmares for weeks after his last competition, did not break eye contact with him. his aura could easily be in competition with the one he always felt from seonghwa and suddenly he felt so very small. 

when his voice found him, he was so angry that his mind was blanking and he couldn't even think of anything to say that remotely made sense at all. he didn't even hear the words leave his mouth, his heart was beating too loudly in his ears and whether or not they came out with as much venom as he wanted to, he'll never know. 

"why the fuck are you here?"


	2. respecting yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry not sorry, enjoy <3

"why the fuck are you here?"

he hadn't even heard the words leave his mouth due to the shot of adrenaline making his heart beat so rapidly in his head, but he could tell by the way the man standing on the ice scrunched his eyebrows that he had in fact said them and the other had in fact heard them.

"so that's the first thing you're gonna say to me?" the blonde man asked, his voice so smooth and honey-like. it was just so unfair how similar he was to seonghwa that it had his blood boiling even more.

"i asked you a question, answer it." san said again, his voice thick and gritted. "this rink is reserved for our athletes only."

the other man scoffed and tilted his head, skating over to the barrier to lean on it.

"i am not a child, i am not required to answer you," he shot back, but he kept the same volume to his voice. "they told me that you were delusional but they didn't tell me you were down right dumb."

san raced forward, dropping his bag at his side, and stopping only when his face was right up in wooyoung's.

"say that again, i dare you." his voice was nearly a whisper but it had a hint of a growl mix in. a warning.

"you're acting like an idiot," wooyoung did not miss a beat and nor did he make a move to move away from san. instead he held his gaze, looking down as he unfortunately had the lower ground. "here, they told me that you had come to your senses, that you finally came around and started acting your age. clearly they were mistaken."

that comment stung a little more than it should and san made the mistake of dropping wooyoung's gaze and physically seemed to back down just a little. 

"oh? you know what's worse? you know that you're acting like a spoiled child that even after ten months can not swallow the fat pill that they lost. you know this, and yet you're still allowing yourself to act this way. how fucking pathetic."

wooyoung's smile was not sincere in any way, shape or form as he continued to ram insults into san's gut that were so true and so real that san had absolutely nothing to shoot back. he could only stand there with a horrified expression on his face.

"i can't tell if you're just some spoiled brat that thinks he's just some god. heaven forbid you lose one important competition and oh no, you can't go on anymore? you're done? when the news got around that you quit after that, i was so absolutely dumbfounded. in fact i can't even find the words right now to describe how i felt. it honestly hurt me to see that because i had looked up to you so much. i wanted to be you, you motivated and inspired me to keep going. and finally when i got here and was able to compete with you, that's how you act?"

san had stepped away now. his eyes were wide and he definitely looked like a little kid who had just been scolded by their mother. he felt his stomach drop to the floor and twist in painful ways, for a moment tasting his breakfast on his tongue.

"you know what that's like? seeing the person who was your hero act so egotistically? i didn't even care if i had won that competition, i just wanted to meet you and shake your hand and tell you thank you for all the hard times you helped me get through. but now?" he stood up straight and added in a defeated chuckle. "i want nothing to do with you.

"the san i knew was nothing like this. i don't even know who I'm talking to anymore. maybe i was deceived and maybe he's just like everyone else. only in it for the fame and popularity."

"you don't know the real me!" san finally got some words in, his voice getting stuck in his throat and cracking a little at the end. "no one knows the real me!"

"why would they want get to to know the real you if this is how you act?" wooyoung grabbed onto the barrier again and threw his leg over to slide to the other side, not even bothering to cover the blades on his skates as he walked over to san. the added height from his skates made him quite a bit taller than the older, who refused to look up at him. san was holding back tears as he felt the undeniable pressure in the back of his throat signaling an incoming sob.

"oh, don't tell me you're gonna start crying again," wooyoung grabbed san's chin and forced him to look up. san was met with shining eyes that were oh-so delighted at what was happening. they were mocking, laughing right in his face. it hurt so much worse because everything wooyoung was saying was true and he couldn't fight back because the other had never done anything to him. the situation was so infuriating and frustrating, his head was now aching.

"i agreed to be your partner because i know how good you are. i want to win too, you know, just like every skater that steps out onto the rink. since you're my best chance at winning, I'll drag you along for the ride, but you better keep up. either you fix yourself and things will go easily, or i will fight you every step of the way. I am not scared of you anymore, choi san; i will put you in your place. i've beat you once and i can do it again." 

and with that wooyoung finally backed down. he turned around, walking very carefully across the floor before sliding himself over the top of the barrier onto the rink and skating over to the man who had not moved an inch. he watched wooyoung stop in front of the other blonde, who reached out to grab his hand as the former shook his head. the man stood up and looked like he was going to march right over to san but wooyoung kept a firm hold on his hand and shook his head once again. 

seonghwa had watched the entire thing unfold from the window. he was nervously gnawing away at his nails subconsciously as he watched from start to finish. that was exactly how he expected it to go. he knew san had no idea that wooyoung would not just take his harsh words and roll over like a puppy: in fact it was good that he didn't. he watched san just stand there and look around like he was lost in his own rink. seonghwa wanted so badly to help but he had no right to. san deserved every second of that and then some. 

san was left with two decisions. he could call it quits again and not even bother to try and work through the shame and humiliation he was feeling. the other choice was that he could own it all and work forward to pursue something that he so passionately loved. however, the fixed mindset he was conditioned with was telling him to go forth with the first option. it was telling him to just get out of there and never come back. but it was by a gracious miracle that san thought of seonghwa. then he thought of hongjoong and mingi and jongho, and thunder surely strike him down if he willingly left them again. he couldn't leave them again, he just couldn't. those ten months were too miserable and as much as he hated to admit it, he really did need them. even when jongho kept throwing paper balls at him repeatedly while mingi provided him with more paper and light teasing, he needed that. the rink was his very life force.

so when he picked his feet up to keep walking forward, they felt as if someone had tied them down with giant weights. his heart was still racing with fear as he started to lace up his skates with his shaky fingers, messing up trying to tie them at the top a few times. the voices inside him seized san's heart with their words, pressing on that he could run away from all this pressure. but san refused his fears as he stood up with confidence. perhaps it was just a few underlying fears that he had that were threatening to spill again, but his need to just do good for once was what had pressed him forward enough to win. 

and when san stepped onto the ice, his legs threatened to falter, he had never learned to handle his feelings in a healthy way and that was ever present today as he very slowly skated over to the two men who were still standing idly on the ice. they were staring at him with expressionless faces and he couldn't decide in that moment if he would rather have that or for them to show some sort of emotion towards him. when he skidded to a stop in front of them, he forced himself to look up at wooyoung. he held his gaze and for the first time he noticed the heavy eyeliner that lined his eyes and, for some reason, he couldn't help but let his stare linger.

"i'll work with you," he said softly, trying his best to make his voice sound strong but it came out sheepish. he knew there were more words he needed to say to the other man but he wasn't sure if he was strong enough to do it in that moment.

wooyoung raised his eyebrow and stuck his tongue into the side of his cheek with a smirk making it's way to his face. he caught the gaze of the other man and shrugged his shoulders. he then turned his gaze back to san expectantly, like he was waiting for the specific words that crossed san's mind and wouldn't move until he fished it out of him.

san felt rather dehumanized and small, he felt like he held no respect in this situation and, once again, completely helpless. he was at the mercy of wooyoung who could do whatever he wanted. he had that right from the beginning. san did not.

"i'm sorry," san barely breathed out, but he had said it so softly that wooyoung shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.

"try again. can't hear you," he said mockingly.

san bit his tongue and he squeezed his hands together as he felt utterly humiliated. 

"i'm sorry." he said again a little louder, voice nearly breaking at the end of it and he squeezed his eyes shut and tilted his head down in a little bow. 

he heard someone clap at him, just once and then twice before he felt a hand on the top of his head, patting him.

"look forward to working with you," he said but then deceptively added, "i could be a bitch like you were to me but i'm above that. coach will be here in a few minutes anyways." 

san looked up at the other, straightening his posture and cleared his throat. he didn't say anything, he couldn't really. his whole face was probably burning hot with humiliation and for once in his life he deemed it better to just keep his mouth shut. the damage was already done and he couldn't afford to cause anymore. seonghwa would probably look down on him if he did, and that was the last thing he wanted.

wooyoung turned to the man still seated on the wall. "yeosang, coach will be here soon. i'll be done at seven." 

yeosang nodded his head and gave the other a soft smile that lit up his face in such a beautiful way in comparison to the scowl san had seen early. he pushed himself off the wall and made his way to skate over to the other side to pack up his things. when he passed san he stared at him tauntingly, like he was just tempting san to pull another move. but the moment passed just as quickly as it came and the other man was gone.

unnoticed by san, seonghwa let out a heavy breath that he didn't even know he was holding. he let the tension melt from his shoulders as he turned from the window and slid down the wall until his body met the floor. 

"you okay?" hongjoong asked him as he stood in front of seonghwa.

"that kid has given me gray hairs far too early. he better start paying me," he said with closed eyes as he leaned his head back against the wall with a soft thump. 

hongjoong chuckled and squatted down, knees cracking under him as he did, leaning in to press his lips to seonghwa's nose. he scrunched his nose but the small act of affection left him only in smiles and a soft chuckle from the older. he swiftly grabbed honjoong by the collar of his shirt and pulled the smaller man closer to him suddenly, causing him to lose his balance and stumble over, nearly smacking his forehead into seonghwa's nose. they both laughed a little and seonghwa dipped in to press his lips against the other's in such a soft touch it sent shivers down his spine. hongjoong pulled away after just a moment and seognhwa nipped at his nose in protest; who was he to pull away before he had his fill of hongjoong kisses? hongjoong laughed gently at the older's small frown and he reached forward to sweep the other's hair out of his face in such a domestically romantic way.

"you're still handsome, even with your gray hair." 

~~~ 

the next few days had been too much of an emotional journey for san. for starters, it had begun better than san had ever expected. while wooyoung was not exactly acting like his friend, he wasn't acting like his enemy either. if you had asked him, it felt like an obligatory business transaction that neither of them really wanted in the first place but was necessary to obtain what they both wanted. san fully expected wooyoung to take low shots whenever he could. he deserved the humiliation, especially when san would fail to land a jump that wooyoung could land in his sleep. 

but no. wooyoung didn't even bat an eye at him. he just turned around and went back to their previous position time and time again until san finally got it. he never complained, he never praised, and the lack of emotion was unsettling as it was underwhelming. sometimes after a particularly dumb fall, san would shoot his head to wooyoung and look for any hint of disappointment at all. but he never saw any and it was downright frustrating. it definitely helped, however, that they both had a very similar work ethic. truly not quite like seonghwa's 'keep working until you pass out' idea but it was safe to say that they practiced every day for nearly ten hours or more.

it was more for san than it really was for wooyoung. he had been out of it for so long that his balance was off and his turns weren't as tight as they used to be. the fact that he had to practice extra hard to sharpen his skills that he was always heavily praised for was well... disheartening. their coach for the first week just had them work on synchronization. learning to jump at the same time as each other and to switch from one foot to the other at the same time was easier said than done but after awhile it was starting to get better.

when things started to go down hill was when coach started to add in bits of choreography. compared to dancing, there isn't a lot of choreography per say in skating, but it was still nothing to scoff at. skaters started with choreography to set the tone for the performance, to draw in the audience as they begin to tell the story of their piece. a huge chunk of the scoring was based on how well they performed but it wasn't just the level of difficulty of the jumps and spins that the judges were looking at– they also look for the emotion in the skater.

so when coach told the boys that they were going to be performing an emotional piece about two lovers who were split apart by rivaling sides and desperately trying to get back to each other, san put his foot down.

"you know i don't do those kind of performances," he said.

wooyoung squinted at him and pressed his lips together. "you'll do what coach says. he knows what's best for us."

san completely ignored the younger and pleaded silently with his coach. he couldn't do emotional, he didn't know how to even begin to attempt that. he knew aggression and fire and that was what he was comfortable with. 

"this is not up for discussion. if you want to win then you'll do it. don't start with this again," his coach warned him. he gave san a harsh look that sent a pang of guilt through his nerves and settled at the pits of his stomach. 

"wooyoung specializes in these kind of performances, it'll do you good to learn from him."

those words felt rather like a kick in the gut instead of advice. he saw a slight quirk of wooyoung's eyebrow out of the corner of his eye and it took every living cell in his body to not turn around and strangle him. the coach left san and wooyoung to study the routine and listen to the chosen song, both men sitting on opposite sides of the room. they tried their best to memorize it so they could begin to work on it before they left for that night. san would occasionally look over at wooyoung to see if he was looking at him, but each time the younger man was still staring at the papers in front of him and mumbling out words that san could not hear. 

wooyoung never looked at him. he acted like san wasn't even there. he felt invisible under his gaze.

san kept reviewing the moves over and over, and each time he kept chewing the inside of his cheek, unable to comprehend how in the world he could pull this off. he would look like a complete idiot next to wooyoung, who now was standing up and counting under his breath as he went through the motions with his arms, dancing around the room just a little to help envision the rink as he had already memorized the opening movements.

san would rather be caught dead than do that. he trained his eyes downwards on the pieces of paper in his hands, his eyes stuck like glue on a few words. he had hoped that they wouldn't have to perform this one dreaded trick, but luck was never on his side because the piece of paper broadcasted two words: 'pair lift'. 

when they finally made their way out to the rink, their coach told them to practice on their own because he had to get home for whatever reason. san did not said reason because he was too focused on the idea of being left alone with wooyoung with no supervision. he felt in the back of his mind that the younger hadn't yet snapped at him and kept his composure because of the presence of his coach, and now that he was gone... he was scared. 

but even after their coach left, wooyoung still acted indifferent. he still kept his distance and he still never made any move to speak to san unless he absolutely had to. it wasn't like san really wanted the other to speak to him, he just wanted to be acknowledged for once. but wooyoung never gave him that, he just acted like san was a completely ordinary person. it burned a little.

"let's just go over the opening scene, it's already nine and I gotta be somewhere early in the morning," wooyoung stretched out his arms and twirled around a little on the ice. both men had already laced up their skates and were standing in the center of the arena. 

"what's going on tomorrow?" san had asked before he could even stop himself.

wooyoung looked over at him with what looked to be a slight scowl. "none of your business, let's get this over with."

and that was the first time that san had seen really any emotion out of the younger. he knew they weren't exactly on speaking terms, which was totally fine if you asked him. he could care less about it, but it was the sharpness of his tone that made san want to back away fully.

wooyoung glided over to the little speaker they had on the wall and pushed in the CD that their coach gave them before he rushed out. he pressed play and the soft and gentle piano notes filled the arena. wooyoung still had a look on his face that san could not describe as he skated back over to him at the center of the rink. their starting pose consisted of wooyoung having to press the palm of his hand against san's cheek who had his face turned away. it was from there that wooyoung was supposed to force san to look at him with a yearning face, like he was begging him to run away from all the fighting and the wars and just be alone together. san's role was of someone who felt very attached to his hometown but was caught between whether to follow the one he loved or being faithful to his people.

they both were waiting for the starting note, the part where the song just stopped randomly and then only a few notes of the piano could be heard. when wooyoung pressed his hand against his cheek harder to get san to look at him, his gaze was now unreadable. san looked back over his shoulder, pretending he was looking back at his family who wanted him to come home and then training his eyes back to wooyoung who still had his arm stretched out to him. they were to stay like that until there was a sudden crescendo of violins coming in to assist the piano that got increasingly louder. from there they were to skate apart from each other to signify them going their own separate ways.

but wooyoung suddenly stopped and looked at san, "you were too slow." 

san tilted his head at the other, "no, I wasn't. if anything you were too fast."

he saw wooyoung let out a dramatic sigh as he counted out the beats outloud, eyes darkening and never leaving san's. san indeed had been too slow but only by a small fraction. he thought wooyoung was being too dramatic. 

"too slow by just a small fraction, it wouldn't have ruined anything," he called back as wooyoung went back to the speaker to replay the song in a second attempt.

"just shut up and do it right," he grumbled as he got back into his position. that definitely threw san off-beat and he missed his starting mark, already too slow into the transition and left there with wooyoung staring at him in disappointment.

"what the fuck was that?"

"why are you talking like this to me?" san asked, his eyebrows furrowed as he defended himself.

"because you can't even do the simple things right. its not that hard," wooyoung answered. his tone was thick with venom and his face was full of tension and san had never even seen him like this before.

"you need to chill, this is our first time doing it. i'm trying my best here with something i'm not used to," his voice got a little louder now. seonghwa would always tell him to be mindful of how he raised his voice when he was getting frustrated because it would always make the situation worse. but right now, san didn't care about that. wooyoung was being completely insensitive and unfair; now he had every right to speak up.

wooyoung scoffed and dismissed him with a flick of his wrist before resetting the music for a third time. when he came back san could literally feel the negative energy radiating off of the younger. the tension was getting harder to breathe in by the second. 

when the mark came, san hit it perfectly. and when it came time for them to dramatically split apart and skate backwards away from each other, it was now when san had to give that specific, pain-filled look. when he gave that look and immediately turned around to glide into the next section of the routine, he heard wooyoung dig into the ice for a stop. the sound of him slamming his blade down onto the ice resounded in the rink, leaving a sizable hole as san stood there in disbelief.

"what is your problem today?" san asked as he threw his hands up in the air, voice echoing a little.

"my problem? it's your fault we keep having to restart over and over. you have one job and that is to give a specific look. there was absolutely no emotion behind that look!" wooyoung criticized. he raised his voice as well and that was the first time he had heard wooyoung actually yell at him. 

that yell triggered his fight or flight response, trying to decide if he just wanted to run away or get up into his face again. he chose the latter, completely frustrated with wooyoung's bullshit.

pushing forward off of the ice, he skids to a stop right in front of the smaller. he tries his best to tower over him, making himself bigger and more intimidating. it backfired as wooyoung stood his ground and made no sign of wanting to back down. 

"you better cool it. you can't expect someone to be absolutely perfect the first time around," san growled. his voice was lower now, and he was sure his pupils were dilating in anger.

"we don't have a lot of time before we perform this. i don't know how you would train before we ever started working together but i do not take time off for breaks. we need to hurry up and learn to be able to perfect it. that's what real professionals do."

"why are you in such a fucking rush? we have plenty of time to learn this."

"just say you're lazy and be on your way. i don't have time for people to waste my time," wooyoung said viciously and attempted to turn to leave but san grabbed onto his shirt and yanked him right back where he was. wooyoung looked down at where san's hand was grabbing him and the look he shot him was absolutely feral.

"we aren't done here."

"get your fucking hands off of me."

"not until you get control of yourself. you're acting like a baby."

"oh? really? I'm acting like a baby? you have no room to speak," wooyoung shook san's hand off of him and got even closer, taunting the older in the way he knew best.

"for the love of god that happened so long ago, give it up," san answered. he squeezed his hands together and his nostrils flared out as he let out a hot breath.

wooyoung just laughed at him, but it wasn't a happy or light hearted laugh. no it was a mocking laugh, almost like he was embarrassed for san.

"give it up? remind me how long it took you to get over the completely fair loss you had hm? tell me san, how long was it?"

there was silence for a moment, just the sound of heavy and hot headed breathing filling the little bubble of anger they both were in.

"you're not answering me. could it perhaps be because you still haven't given it up yet? such a hypocrite." his voice was just dripping with venom and his eyes were toying him, it was like he was telling san to throw the first punch. he was daring him.

"shut your mouth. you don't know what it was like," san said through gritted teeth, he nearly had his forehead pressed up against wooyoung's.

"sounds like pick me behavior if you ask me. such a poor little boy. what? you gonna tell me your sad back story to make me pity you? is that what you're gonna do?" wooyoung continued to mock, he couldn't see the way san's self control was snapping little by little and that the situation was quickly escalating to unsafe territory. 

"you gonna start crying again? it seems when something doesn't go your way you throw a fit and start crying. go on and cry."

san felt himself snap as he grabbed onto wooyoung's shirt and pushed him back up into the glass barrier before he could even think. the sound of wooyoung's body hitting the glass echoed dangerously as he just held him there. his blood was boiling and for a moment he couldn't even think of anything to say, mind blanking in sheer rage. everything was red and all he saw was wooyoung looking at him with that damn blank face of his.

"you better shut your mouth before i --"

"before you what? quit? " and the smirk on wooyoung's lips was so condescending and san just froze. he was so angry that he couldn't even move. his whole body was shaking and he was even panting and he hadn't even done anything worthy of such heavy breathing. adrenaline shot and his heart was in his throat. he squeezed his fists together around wooyoung's shirt even tighter than he had before, nails breaking into the skin of his palms, getting blood over the man's white shirt.

it was by the grace of god that someone came to the rescue. the door to the rink was thrown open as san whirled around, keeping his grip on wooyoung's shirt and trying his best to see who it was at the same time.

the man san always saw with wooyoung came rushing out onto the ice. he slipped around a few times due to having no traction on his shoes as he rushed in attempt to reach the two.

"wooyoung!" yeosang nearly screamed, getting his hands onto san and ripping him apart from wooyoung, who was now holding the back of his head with both hands. 

san just stood there, the red in his vision slowly starting to leak away as yeosang carefully inspected the other for any injuries. san opened his mouth to say something but yeosang shook his head.

"just don't say anything," it was cold but no real venom was mixed in. he grabbed wooyoung and dragged him across the rink away from san who had managed to dig his blades deep enough down into the ice to leave dents. when he slowly opened his hands up, he winced at the sight of his own blood decorating his palms. before yeosang and wooyoung completely left the rink, the former looked back to san.

"he's going through a tough time right now. he needs some time," and it was the way he said it that had san instantly calm down. he felt his anger just drain out of him and the muscles that were tense, slightly relaxed a little. he looked past yeosang to where wooyoung was seated on the bleachers behind him, and was he... was he crying?

san made a move to go forward towards the younger. he was not sure why but he felt a strong urge and desire to just be there. but he was stopped by yeosang who just shook his head at him.

"i'm taking him home now, sorry this happened," he said quickly as, true to his word, he helped wooyoung pack up and leave the arena. san probably just stood there for what felt like fifteen minutes, replaying the whole scene in his head time and time again. he started analyzing each and every little thing, trying to figure out really what had happened and what was going on. yeosang made it seem that wooyoung wasn't exactly mad at san directly and that there were outside motivators that were driving his anger and frustration today, but he just wasn't sure.

hongjoong had found him a little bit after the incident, confused as to what even happened. it seemed that he only witnessed wooyoung leaving with yeosang and was a little worse for wear. if that were the case, he didn't question it as he helped san pack up his things, bringing up that everyone was going to dinner that night and he should come. 

san originally declined but he should've known that hongjoong, having many years of practice with the stubbornness of seonghwa, wouldn't let him be alone that night. he knew san needed to be surrounded by care tonight and not left alone to his own thoughts. nearly dragging the younger by his hoodie to where hongjoong had parked and practically throwing him into the passenger seat, he told san to not even worry and that he could stay at his apartment that night, and could even plan to pull pranks on seonghwa when he was sleeping. that definitely seemed to pull a slight smile from the younger as they drove to a restaurant they all were familiar with. 

everyone was there, and to san's surprise, so was another certain person. sitting across from mingi was yunho, who was all smiles and waving happily at san and hongjoong, who finally sat down at the end of the table. the six of them really had to squeeze in, doing their best to fit in the small booth they always sat in. it really became a tradition to do this every friday night: always seeing who could eat the most and not get sick afterwards was a common game they always played. "the food was too good to let go to waste anyways so might as well stuff yourself," is what mingi had said was the golden rule when they came here the second time.

as they all pressed tightly in together, san was able to briefly forget about the fight he had with wooyoung. he was able to enjoy the softly lit table with his favorite people in the whole world. although they were extremely loud, san couldn't find it in himself to care. he was home with the sounds. as they ate their food, he just smiled and contributed to the conversation when he could. half way through he saw hongjoong lean in to whisper something into seonghwa's ear. the older didn't show any change in his mood, but his eyes caught san's and for a moment san was worried the other would be mad at him, but no. seonghwa gave him a very gentle and reassuring smile, and gently tapped his foot against his own.

"hey yunho, trade placed with me, its too tight here," jongho whined. he was squished between mingi and san, protesting that his shoulders were just too wide to sit comfortably there. san almost commented that yunho had even wider shoulders than jongho and he would be in an even worse situation if they switched, but the way yunho smiled and responded probably just a few seconds too quickly had san eating his words.

they rearranged themselves quickly enough, now yunho was very happily squished between between mingi and san; and jongho... well, he had such a look of pride as he watched mingi's eyes bulge out of his sockets. 

"hey," yunho said quietly to mingi who had happened to be drinking at that moment. unfortunately as soon as yunho said that, he must've swallowed at the wrong time because he started choking and nearly coughed up a lung. hongjoong just watched with his mouth open as the scene played out before them all. mingi tried his absolute best to catch himself and make the situation a little better, trying so hard to say "hey" back but no words came out of his mouth. he just sat there with his mouth open before clearing his throat and finally managing to get out a measly "hey" after some time. 

"oh god," jongho leaned his forehead on the table and even seonghwa couldn't suppress the grimace on his face, slightly turning his attention to his partner, who was trying his absolute best to not laugh.

yunho seemed very unbothered by it, being quite comfortable stretching his arms up and then draping one over mingi's shoulders and letting it rest there. mingi was the tallest out of their little group but yunho made him look so damn small with his arm around like that. but it could also be the fact that mingi was nearly curling in on himself, frantically looking to seonghwa for help, his face burning red. the only bit of salvation that came from the oldest was a quick raise of the eyebrows and a soft wink.

after dinner, as they all were waiting outside for jonho's and mingi's ride to come, attention was turned to yunho, who had dragged mingi just far enough that san couldn't hear what they were saying. it was dark out but they watched as yunho was speaking to mingi as the latter scratched the back of his neck, a nervous habit. it was when yunho took out his phone and seemed to ask mingi to do the same that san nearly screeched and latched onto seonghwa's arm. 

they witnessed mingi desperately try to open his phone, his hands shaking so bad that he seemed to have failed his password multiple times and ended up locking himself out of his phone. yunho had just chuckled and got mingi's number from him verbally, then reaching up and pinching mingi's cheek before saying his good bye and waving to the watching crowd. 

when mingi came back over, they all were whistling and hooting at him. 

"i think i might pass out, someone catch me," mingi gasped out as he finally got back to them.

"he finally gets yunho's number and he's already in love," san cooed and pinches mingi's red cheeks again.

"disgusting," they heard jongho gag, but they all chuckled together and continued to make fun of mingi. that was how they showed their love. this was the love san was longing for.

~~~ 

when san saw wooyoung again, it was monday morning the next week. he had gotten to the rink even sooner than hongjoong had and for a moment he wondered how he even got in. he eventually just assumed he asked coach for a spare key to be able to practice earlier. wooyoung looked better now, seeming to have a calm presence to him as he aimlessly skated around, not doing any tricks or foot work. 

san walked up the barrier and dropped his bag down and breathed out, he liked to watch how his breath took a visible form as a soft white cloud that vaporized into the cool air. he did that a few more times before calling wooyoung's attention. the man turned to see san waving at him, and looked behind him like san was trying to talk to someone else before turning back and skating over to where san was standing. 

it was different now, for whatever reason san did not feel angry towards the other; he didn't even feel hurt or upset. so he thought it alright to smile softly at the younger when he skidded to a stop and leaned over the wall to listen to what the older had to say.

"i just wanted to say," he started softly, twiddling his fingers around just a little as he tried his best to keep eye contact with him. "i'm sorry for how i treated you, you're not hurt right?"

for a moment, wooyoung looked at san like he had grown three heads. san worried that he might've said something wrong and accidentally upset the younger. but wooyoung lowered his gaze like he was ashamed. 

"no, i'm alright. you didn't hurt me."

"that's a relief, i shoved you pretty hard and i was worried." 

wooyoung sucked in a breath and looked up at san before running a hand through his hair.

"i should be the one apologizing. i had no business pushing you like that. it was wrong of me," he said gently as he looked back up. wooyoung brought his lip between his teeth and looked away again, his nails digging into the barrier. 

"it was just a rough day for us both," san said softly. he now had an urge to comfort the smaller, he wanted to say soft words that would help wooyoung defeat whatever guilt demon he was fighting. he really just wanted to see him smile again, for a reason unknown yet welcome. "it happens to the best of us. yeosang said you were going through something, and whatever it is, i'm hear to listen."

wooyoung looked back at san with a squint in his eye. "you're not just saying that to stab me with it in the back later are you?"

"I'm not that shallow..." san mumbled, rather hurt that the younger would even suggest that he would do that.

wooyoung did not seem convinced though. he clenched his teeth together and cleared his throat before lowering his head.

"listen, i've been doing a lot of thinking lately. i know it will be hard, but at the end of the day you are still my partner. we have been working together on this performance for so long now. you may not believe it when i say that i do want the best for you. i wasn't able to see it back then because i was blinded by my own pride and stubbornness, but i see it now. if you don't believe that, well, i don't blame you. maybe it would be easier for you if you think of it as you're my best chance to win. so i need to make sure you're at the top of your game."

for whatever reason that seemed to bring a soft chuckle out of wooyoung. he seemed to lean back on his heel and run his hand once again through his hair, knocking the edge of his skate against the wall.

"you surprise me every day, choi san," he said after awhile. "if you really are that concerned, then i'll tell you."

san just nodded and gave wooyoung his full attention, shifting over to sit on the bleacher. 

"when i was little, my mom got into a bad car crash that had left her paralyzed. she was a professional skater at the time and a single mother, and so when that happened, our lives pretty much fell apart," wooyoung started, but he must've seen the way san's face paled as he hurriedly told the other that it would get better. "but as i grew up, our situation got better, my step dad came into the picture and that really helped us get back onto our feet. that's where i met yeosang, he's technically my half-brother and has been my best friend ever since."

"wait i thought he was your boyfriend--" and once again san couldn't stop his runny mouth. he hadn't meant to blurt that out, but clearly his brain had ulterior motives. 

wooyoung pulled a face before laughing, "fuck no, he's not even my type-- and that's... just weird to think about. anyways moving on..."

san suddenly felt the pressing urge to ask what wooyoung's type was, but he bit down on his tongue hard enough to stop that atrocity. 

"my mom wanted to teach me skating so she became my coach and would take me to the skating rink to teach me everything she knew. the only problem was I was pretty terrible at it. i was so bad that no one other than my mom would teach me. to be honest, i didn't even like skating; i just did it because that's the only time she would really smile."

wooyoung paused for a moment and scrunched up his nose and san knew that something was just not right with wooyoung. the way he looked like he was so out place and small and just ... delicate. it was weird to see him like that because of all the other times he had seen wooyoung as someone who was so confident and graceful. but he found himself thinking about that was how the man outwardly portrayed himself. that's how he wanted the world to see him. and suddenly san felt like he had no idea who wooyoung really was.

"she got really sick a few years back, and i don't want to make this some depressing story because that's just not how i roll. but," he coughed awkwardly before starting again, "she's not here with me physically anymore and friday was the anniversary of her passing. i didn't mean to take it out on you, it just hit me harder this year. I think part of it was because i was angry that she didn't get to see me like this, and see how good i've become. after she passed, that's when i really took it upon myself to try harder and harder. that's when I started looking up to you because you seemed so happy to skate and that's what I wanted to be."

wooyoung looked up to the ceiling, blinking a few times quickly before smiling awkwardly and sniffing in harshly to help clear his nose. "ugh, that got depressing didn't it? i didn't mean for that to happen."

"it's alright, thank you for telling me," san reassured. he really was thankful that the other had even considered telling him something like that, as personal as it was. it made san feel even guiltier about the whole situation and he wanted desperately to hug wooyoung.

it was in that moment that all resentment and hatred for the younger vanished completely. he saw himself in wooyoung at that moment: a man who was actually very vulnerable and sensitive, but was forced to push an outward appearance of strength and fierceness. it was through that connection that san felt himself more drawn to wooyoung instead of wanting to flee his presence. it made sense now, why san wanted absolutely nothing to do with wooyoung at the beginning. his subconscious recognized the similarities and by facing wooyoung and accepting him, it was like he was facing and dealing with himself... something he always refused to attempt because it became more difficult as the years went by. 

he heard wooyoung sniffle again and bite his lip, looking down at the ground once again. his chin wobbled just a little as he looked around frantically for something, anything, to say to avoid the tears that were threatening to spill over. san stood up, not sure if he really was supposed to do this, and carefully crept over to where wooyoung was standing. he stood in front of the man who was so desperately trying to smile, failing to catch the tears that were starting to drip down his cheeks and the subtle hiccups.

"can i hug you?" san asked quietly.

when wooyoung nodded his head, san opened his arms and brought in the smaller one and pressed his head against his chest. san had to stand on his tippy toes to be able to accomplish this but he didn't mind at all. wooyoung didn't really cry much, but he let san hold him and gently run his fingers through the younger's hair. it was surprisingly soft for how many times san expected he bleached it but he quickly shook the thought off in favor of comforting him. 

san felt wooyoung wiggle his arms around him and wrap around his upper body as he snuggled his cheek against san's chest. "didn't expect this was how it was going to end."

"if you would've told me i'd be hugging you a few weeks ago, i would've packed my bags and moved to the moon," san retorted. wooyoung laughed and jabbed his finger between san's ribs, causing the other to screech and jerk away, a deceptive look now manifesting on his face.

"I think its better this way," wooyoung said quietly. in another life, san would probably admit that wooyoung's swollen eyes were absolutely adorable and the smudged eyeliner should be an every day occurance, but that's in another life. 

in this life, san would just admire it quietly.

~~~

on the days leading up to the upcoming competition, san and wooyoung were practicing non stop. although they now had a better understanding of where each other was coming from, they still struggled to find a rhythm that they both liked and could work with. for the love of all things good, san could not seem to really embody this character that he was supposed to play. wooyoung had already mastered his part, effortlessly performing it like he was really longing for his loved one to come to him to finally to start their life together.

san even begging seonghwa for help, the older being extremely busy with his own partner routine that he wasn't able to help him as much as he needed. his advice was to embody love itself: to pick back at a time where he truly loved someone and how love both breaks him apart but fixes him right back up. while that was the message of the story they were trying to perform, the problem was san had never really experienced a love interest. one that was reciprocated, at least.

wooyoung tried his best to help but both him and san would just get frustrated and argue about how "its not that hard" and "yes it is, i don't fucking bend like that". even the coach had to step in a few times and tell the boys to just go work by themselves for the time being to cool off. the more time that went by the more san got desperate to just figure out how to even begin to finish the ending scene. 

the story would end with san chasing after wooyoung, desperately grabbing onto his arm and kneeling down on his knee like he was begging wooyoung to give him a second chance. it was from there that san was supposed to grab wooyoung by the waist, lift him into the air and twirl around to catch him with both hands. that alone was already nearly impossible, san had to go to the gym extra times to be able to carry wooyoung's weight safely. but it was after that trick that was even more hard. when the sound of the piano became the only instrument heard, san was supposed to take wooyoung's face between the both of his hands, press his forehead against his and then dip him carefully. 

that was how it was supposed to end but they had failed each and every time they tried. the competition was next weekend and san was still unable to tap into his emotional side to be able to perform it how he wanted. their coach had left them for the night and told them to lock up soon before packing up his stuff and heading out. wooyoung and san took it upon themselves to try a few last times to get the ending just how they wanted it to. 

"what are you scared of?" wooyoung had asked san suddenly. the two were standing idly in the middle of the rink, the situation being oddly similar to the incident that had happened a few weeks prior.

"what do you mean?" san questioned back.

"you're moving like you're scared of something. there is no fluidity to it. why are you so tense?"

they really were harmless questions, ones that san shouldn't have taken as personally as he did.

"im not scared." he said curtly. 

"bullshit, i can see it in your eyes." wooyoung pressed forward. he was up to something, san could tell. if he was trying to piss him off again, it was definitely starting to work.

"i already said im not scared of shit."

wooyoung pressed forward into san's personal space, getting right up into his face. "you're scared of losing, aren't you?"

"what?"

"you heard me. you're so scared of losing and what's going to happen at this competition that it's left you paralyzed."

"now you're just making stuff up," san pushed back. he was a little offended that wooyoung would even begin to think that. 

"seems like i've hit a sore spot," wooyoung snickered, his eyes were gleaming and the devious smirk that sat on his face was frustratingly irritating. "frustrated you can't do what kids can do?"

"the fuck? kids can't even do this."

"the hell they can. kids are great at showing their emotions. they'll probably make fun of you because you can even do it right."

"what are you trying to do here? now is not the time for this, wooyoung," san gritted out. he squeezed his fists together, pride bubbling in his chest as wooyoung decided to shoot him over and over right where it hurt. 

"you're gonna be a big disappointment. maybe i should just do it myself, you've already embarrassed yourself bad enough already."

wooyoung could practically see the steam from san's nose as he breathed out. there were two ways this could go: san could either use this energy he had to channel his inner motivation or, like all the other times, he would crumble, succumbing to the pressure and rage wooyoung was kindling in him.

"shut up." san warned. his voice was low and he bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from saying anything else.

wooyoung suddenly surged forward, grabbing ahold of san's shirt and yanking him down by the collar. he was so close that san could feel wooyoung's breath on his face. the younger was tempting him. he was firing san up and he knew exactly how to get under his skin. 

"if you can't perform this correctly, then i will do it without you. i don't need you to win, i've proved that once before and i'll do it again." those words from wooyoung were straight venom. he could see san's pupils dilate for just a second and then narrow down into slits.

san saw red again as he bit hard down onto his tongue, eliciting a metallic taste. his head pounded so loud it was nearly impossible to think. 

"you know damn well i can perform this."

"then prove it."

"go. turn on. the music." he said each word slowly, leaving a little space between each of them to make his point very clear. wooyoung released san's shirt and pushed back, a cocky expression on his face. it made san so angry that he had gotten the best of him in that situation. he decided he was going to show wooyoung who the better skater really was.

they took their positions, and waited for the right note to cue the start. wooyoung flashed a dangerous look in his eyes to san and san matched it, giving equally dangerous looks back. when they started to move, wooyoung would stare at san with a look of raw emotion and it made san want to copy it even better. he was feeding off of what the other was giving him. he was taking his moves, his emotions, his passion... he was taking and taking and taking only to give back double fold. it was then that san realized they needed to be one person, they couldn't be two separate skaters.

the synchronization was perfect. when wooyoung had to reach blindly for san, san was right there. the looks that wooyoung would give were completely reciprocated by san. they skated the routine around the rink with ease. wooyoung pushed harder than ever on the escalating music, both jumping and landing with each blast of the trumpet. and when the music slowed down, san made sure to pull wooyoung back, to settle his heart and let it beat to their own movements. 

when the time came for the ending part, the battle between love and a sense of duty was now slowly beginning to be won by love. when it was time for san to grab onto wooyoung's arm, having to chase him across the entire rink, he finally grabbed onto his arm, accidentally yanking it backwards a little too harshly. the pull nearly had wooyoung losing his balance but he recovered quickly. sliding down onto his knee, the chill of the ice feeling so good on his burning skin, he latched his arms onto wooyoung's waist to launch him into the air and then caught him with both hands. then the music stopped for a moment, and then the piano notes came in, san went to grab wooyoung's cheeks with his hands and press his forehead against the other's. 

the last little decrescendo of notes played as san dipped wooyoung down, his hand settling on the small of his back and he held the man close to his body. 

when the music stopped completely, all that could be heard was the rough panting from the both of them. adrenaline shot through their veins as they stared at each other, gasping for air as sweat was dripping down their faces and the chill of the air doing nothing to cool them down. they were frozen in that position, the passion and the emotion was still clouded around them in a thick bubble that neither knew how to pop. 

wooyoung brought his hand up and pressed it to san's burning cheek, letting it linger there. his eyes were still wild, pupils blown as he stared at san. the grip that san had on wooyoung was probably borderline painful but neither of them even cared. there was an unspoken desire that was beginning to spark, indicated by san who licked his lips as he dipped his head down just a little. the glint in wooyoung's eye was once again dangerous as he tilted his jaw upwards. their lips were nearly inches away from each other, but not touching. the air they breathed mingled together as they just looked at each other.

"now that," wooyoung said, ghosting his lips across san's. "was perfect."

~~~

the hour before the competition left san in a nervous mess. all of his friends came, even yunho, who seemed to be coming around a lot more when they all hung out. yeosang of course came to support wooyoung and surprisingly got along with san's friends, even deciding to sit with them for the entirely of the show. 

what surprised san most (and delighted him, of course) was that he could've sworn that the hoodie that mingi was wearing today was the one that yunho had worn when they all went out to eat. he smiled to himself a little at that, the giddy emotions helping to calm his shaking hands.

the interview he and wooyoung had done earlier did nothing to help ease his nerves at all. the lady leading the interview had directed most of the questions to san, the focus point was the last competition he was apart of. the interviewer kept asking him how he felt about being partners with the one who stole his win from him and how had he grown from the way he acted that day. but thankfully wooyoung, very gracefully and politely, retorted that there was no need to focus on the past because here they were now and to focus the questions on the present if she wanted to keep interviewing them.

san went to go seek out seonghwa, who he knew would be roaming the halls by now. he always did this right before san would go and perform, saying that it would calm him. hongjoong had laughed at him when he said that and to which seonghwa just responded, "he's practically by son, it's hard to watch."

when san found seonghwa, the other smiled gently, taking san's hands in his own and squeezing them. 

"excited?" seonghwa asked him softly. his hands were cold as always, making san jump a little. 

"nervous." he replied quickly. the more he started to think about it, the more he felt his stomach twist.

"i bet." seonghwa ran his fingers through san's freshly styled hair and moved it around how he thought would make it look better. "and there is nothing i can tell you to help make you not nervous but just know that whatever happens, i am already so proud of you."

those words made him feel all fuzzy and warm inside. san smiled up at seonghwa with pure admiration and brought the taller in for a quick hug. when he pulled away, someone grabbed his shoulder and he turned to see who it was, being greeted with the smiling face of his partner.

wooyoung stood before him with his shimmering eyes, the lids glittery and laced with the iconic thick eyeliner that he always had. san was sure the other put some lip tint on, as his lips were a little rosier then they normally were.

"you can undress me with your eyes later," wooyoung rolled his eyes. "come on, we're up next."

san opened his mouth to protest- he was absolutely not undressing wooyoung with eyes- but the younger had wrapped his hand around san's wrist and was pulling him into the arena before he could even begin to defend himself. however, all he could really focus on was how the jewels on wooyoung's costume sparkled as he was dragged into the light.

the stands were packed with people and camera flashes, the excitement making san unable to find his friends. he suddenly found his heart in his throat again and if his legs were shaking, thankfully wooyoung didn't comment on it as he stood next to san.

"this is not going to end like last time," wooyoung whispered in san's ear. "this is a new day."

san thickly gulped his fears away and nodded his head confidently. the previous team was making their way off of the ice and the announcer was blaring their scores but san was deaf to the noise. he couldn't really hear anything over the pounding of his own heart and that was never a good sign. he subconsciously took off the guards on his blades and then blindly followed wooyoung onto the ice, the motions robotic in nature and all due to muscle memory. the lights were blinding and he was already sweating, the pounding of his heart increasing to levels of panic. he looked to the judges and then around the entire stadium. with all this expectation weighing on him, san just wanted to run. 

wooyoung had clearly sensed his elder's internal freakout because san felt a gentle and warm hand on his cheek. the hand gently tilted his head to look at the man standing on the ice before him. wooyoung brought san's forehead down against his own, san being able to smell his scent and... oh wow, its calming.... 

"just focus on me. just you and me, no one else." he felt wooyoung rub his nose against his own as he looked into his eyes. "dance with me, san."

when the music started and san looked into wooyoung's eyes, he felt the raw passion and new sense of seduction that begged him to chase his inhibitions. 

so he did.

he chased wooyoung across the rink. and for the first time, he didn't feel like he was playing a character. he was chasing wooyoung, who was leading him to a place where he was uncertain of what the future would bring to them, but he followed his lead because it felt right. each turn and jump was being executed beautifully and san would take great pleasure in hearing hongjoong tell him about how seonghwa started to ugly cry halfway through the show.

san kept lunging for wooyoung, begging him for another chance. jump after jump, he never thought to rest. the arena was silent except for the music and the sound of the blades scraping the ice. and when san tossed wooyoung into the air, wooyoung's resilient gaze never left his own. the moment when san caught him and the music stopped, his heart followed in motion.

and when san dipped wooyoung down, his character finally capturing and winning over his love, wooyoung reached up and placed his hand on san's cheek. with the softest smile san had ever seen, wooyoung leaned up and pressed his lips fully against san's for the first time. time paused for them, nothing existed in the moment except for the two- all he could think about was how perfect wooyoung's lips felt again his. and in that moment, san knew that he had really found his place and where he truly belonged.

and what happened next, well that's a story for another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll post this story on wattpad too, if you're interested go find me at @ roserosierosey <3 anyways thank you for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> would just like to add that I am not an ice skater and had to look up some things-- if some things are wrong I am so sorry !!


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